OK, I've never been good at waiting to give gifts. I suppose you could call me an enthusiastic giver! I've always been that way. I remember in elementary school, I couldn't wait to tell my sister what gift I got her. Emma's birthday is coming up towards the end of this month. I have no money, so I told Emma she could choose to have a party or a nice gift, but I couldn't afford both. She chose the gift. I've been talking and talking with her about what she might want. She gave me several suggestions, but finally settled on a Nintendo DS. This is about $40.00 more than I wanted to spend, but she's been so awesome lately, not complaining about the changes in lifestyle, and really helping around the house, so I went ahead and coughed up the extra $40.00. But, now, I have to wait.

I've accomplished quite a few things that I'm quite proud of lately. Today (or I guess technically yesterday), takes the cake, though.

The toilet in the girls bathroom had been driving me crazy for some time now. After it flushed, it would stop, but a few minutes later, you would hear the tank filling up again. This would go on all night and all day. I'm still not really sleeping well, so I would blame their toilet for keeping me up late at night.

Anyway, I looked it up, and it seemed like it was likely that we were suffering from a "leaky flapper". It seemed like a pretty easy fix. I went upstairs to take the old flapper off so I could buy a new one, and I couldn't figure out how to get the old flapper off. I became overwhelmed with the project and quit. I turned off the water to that toilet and locked that bathroom door when other kids were over so no one would use it. I'm sure that was a very healthy way of dealing with things! (Hush, I really DON"T want to hear it!)

I have been amazed at the heart and soul's capacity to ache, mend, and grow over these past 7 months. 7 months ago, I would have assumed that today would have been a tough day. Today is the anniversary of something that I no longer have cause to celebrate. 7 months ago, I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to stop loving someone who had moved on to "love" someone else. 7 months ago, I didn't know where I would get the strength to face the next day, much less the strength to pick up the pieces left behind, and move through days, weeks and months that have now stretched behind me. I could have never predicted that I would be where I am today. Certainly, walking this path I have made mistakes, I always do. I learn best the hard way. I have been blessed these last 7 months with a wonderful family and wonderful friends. I have been reminded of God's love, grace, and power time and again, as I do not have the ability on my own to handle where I was 7 months ago.

On this day for the last 11 years, I've remembered that girl who took those vows. For the past 10 years, I have thought about the boy who she vowed herself to. Today, there is no more thought of that boy. He is long gone. That girl is still there. She still has dreams, they are just changed now. I had assumed that there would be some desire today to somehow tell that me of yesterday, "Stop, you don't know what you are doing!". I didn't feel that way, though. I don't regret my marriage. The very best thing that came out of it was 2 beautiful, wonderful, loving girls.

Next year, I don't know if I will remember this day. I hope each year, I do take time to be thankful for the lessons learned, for the good times we had, and for the fact that it is now over. I look forward to what is to come. I don't know what is in store for me. I do know, though that I will face each day, grateful for the path I've walked and the blessings in my life. I will continue to try to follow God's will, and trust Him in all things. And, when I make the mistakes that I know will come, I will be grateful for His forgiveness as well.

Here's to the next 11 years! May they get better and better!

Ok, so I have an odd confession to make. I have become reaquainted with a friend of mine from high school on facebook, who doesn't use the words "love" and "hate" without really meaning them, or adding qualifiers, so I've thought about this some. I love my broom. I don't think love is too strong a word here. And, before your mind gets dirty, I don't mean in a romantic or sexual way. I mean I love in a completely selfish kind of way. I love it for what it does for me.

So, if you haven't stopped reading yet, I will explain how I came realize this affection for my broom.

I actually have 3 regular sized brooms and one broom for midgets that comes with my dustpan. In my adulthood I've had this thing about changes in life and brooms. If a significant change came along, such as a move, I would buy a new broom, because I didn't want to bring my old dirt with me. Kind of a way to make a fresh start. More for symbolic reasons, but it's been important to me.

When Braz left, I thought I should get a new broom. Some of it, was might have been because I didn't want any of his old shed-ed skin cells remaining in the house. However, most of it was because I needed to symbolize a new life. I waited, at first because I wasn't really ready to let go. Then, once I started to embrace my new life, there was the issue of money. Since a new broom really isn't necessary, I didn't try to figure out a way to get a new one right now.

I thought about using one of the other brooms, but they each have their own purpose (one for camping, one for outside, and this now controversial broom). I just switched to using the broom that comes with my dust pan (it's the perfect size for the girls, but is a little small for me to use on a regular basis - and I do use my broom on a regular basis! I have been doing that for months now.

Lately I've developed some minor lower back problems and have been rethinking the way I do a few things. I noticed my back tightened up uncomfortably when I was sweeping out under the kitchen table. I took out my "old" broom (we just moved here a year ago, and I did get a new broom then!). I had a sit down with it. I decided that to just try it out. I could always ask for a new broom for Christmas or something (yes, I was really that pathetic). As I started sweeping, I noticed how great this broom is. It's angled just right, so that it gets in corners (and I have some weird corners in the breakfast nook), and under tables. It is a perfect height, so there is absolutely no tightening of my back. It took considerably less time to sweep my entire downstairs with this broom. It is a pleasing color: green and yellow. I decided to embrace this broom, and the little bit of past that it brings with it that bleach couldn't get off (yeah, I did clean the brushes in bleach, because I thought that would be a good idea). So, the broom stays in my new and improved life.

OK, so I thought I had written 2 entries in June. I guess I didn't, or I forgot to post them. I wonder what happens, exactly to missing blog entries? Huh.

Ok, so things have been going along. I've been reminded how God really does give you strength when you need it, not when you are worried that you are going to need it (hope I remember that next time I try to go and worry about something!) I really am feeling like we are all going to be OK. I have faith that God will take care of all of us. I'm feeling sort of . . . smooth about things. Then, along came the spider.

I apologize to anyone who doesn't understand why I would write this entry.